As my daughter grows and expands her circle of friends and influence, I feel less connected. When I become aware the connection is shifting a part of me begins to panic. As I feel this panic rising up, ready to grab me, I start scrambling to re-connect with my daughter. The problem is that I try to connect in the old ways and when she doesn’t respond I start feeling like I must be doing something “wrong”. This feeling only exacerbates my fear and I start getting needy and desperate for her to connect instead of connecting with myself and my fear. No matter what I offer, to her, from this place she politely says, no! Back to the drawing board…..
When I deeply penetrate, the fear inside, I can see it has nothing to do with the connection with my daughter. It has to do with the shifting connection with me. I’ve been there for her 24/7, for 10 years now, and things are shifting for me also. I’m beginning to expand my circle of friends and influence and it feels great! It doesn’t mean that I have less LOVE to give my daughter. It does mean less one on one time together but the real truth is I have even more to give. As I return to a deeper holding, of myself, I expand my capacity to hold her. The paradox is that even though we have less physical time together, we are experiencing a deeper love than I thought possible.
When I let go of my guilt, shame or any idea of how it is supposed to look, and tap into the feeling, I experience peace and joy. We are growing up together. What a miracle.
Practice: If you are feeling less connection, than you desire, with your child take time to see what is truly going on inside. How is your connection with you and your truth? If you feel guilt or shame, connect with those feelings and see what is underneath. Keep dropping under the feelings, connecting with the deeper love that always exist.