Lately, I’m aware of my attachment to things going my way, especially with my child. Expecting my daughter to live into my high values leads to a feeling of disappointment when she doesn’t. I know this feeling intimately and as it arises I notice the deeper disappointment lives inside since I SHOULD be over this by now. HA!
Clearly, when facing reality I recognize parenting is often challenging and messy and yet there is still this little niggly fantasy that at some point I’ll transcend the pain and glide through life feeling peaceful and loving. My attachment to pleasure over pain gets me and I find myself circling back around to controlling my daughter.
Do you have these fantasies? If you have a SafeSeat practice, practice sitting back in your SafeSeat, asking where are you attached to one-sidedness, to the pleasure side of things over the painful ones. And do you notice, as I do, that it is actually in the challenging moments, especially in parenting, that you have grown the most?
Meeting challenge is an opportunity to either act out and keep that pattern going or to look inside and ask, what am I believing about myself at this moment that’s causing my suffering?
Fortunately, I get to practice a lot.
Noticing when I project my expectations onto my daughter gives me the opportunity to meet myself in an empowered way. Turning into the center of the disappointment, instead of trying to get her to change, I find the opportunity to ask – where am I trying to control? Where am I attached to the way I think it’s supposed to go? Every time I impose my views and ideas on to life, I experience a fleeting pleasure, things are good for a little bit, and yet a deeper pleasure awakens in turning back inside, getting to know myself on the deepest level.
I invite you to take time this week, slow everything down. Be with your beautiful self with all your attachments, all your glory, and also spend a little time asking yourself: what story am I believing about myself that may be causing my suffering? It’s always an inside job.