I never thought of myself as an arrogant person. Honestly, I had quite the judgment about folks I perceived as arrogant. Then I became a parent! YIKES.
Arrogance showed up quickly and furiously when my daughter didn’t behave in ways that supported my idea of being a “good” mother.
Before I had children my arrogance showed up in judging other parents. I looked down on them when their children misbehaved and felt superior in my role as a therapist to teach them how to control their children. Oh my! I’ve met so many mamas, especially teachers, therapists, and coaches that discovered the same thing.
When they are YOUR children an intense magical dance ensues where you find yourself taking things personally and being given the opportunity to transform and transmute your early stories or drive yourself crazy trying to control your kids.
The most difficult part was when my arrogance expressed itself as being the “all-knowing” adult who my daughter needed to listen to, which she refused. Now, the judging turned inward, and daily I was beating myself up for failure as a conscious loving parent. I was taken to my knees feeling humiliated by my daughter’s behavior. It took time and a lot of kindness to step into humility laying down my arrogant stand.
Proving myself to my family and the greater culture reared its head and even though I told myself I didn’t care what they thought it wasn’t true. So, I found myself arrogantly pressuring my daughter to be the child I needed her to be so I wasn’t a failure. When triggered I would convince myself that I was doing the “right” thing by pushing, pulling, or forcing her to do what I needed to be done. It was a nightmare.
Finally hitting a brick wall I lay down my mantle of arrogance entering the realm of humility. In this new land, inquiry led me to ask: “why do I need my daughter to reflect my success?”, “Why do I need her to make me feel loved?” When adopting her I committed to offering her unconditional love and support yet my actions were giving her the message that she was responsible for my happiness and loving me the way I needed. I had tied my lovability to her actions.
Humility showed the way to meet my arrogance with love and kindness for it was rooted in deep insecurity that I was unlovable. As I saw through the eyes of humility I bowed down in gratitude that I was given the gift of being my daughter’s mom.
Slowly, releasing my need to care for others by taking care of their discomfort I moved into an experience of unconditional confidence that I was TRULY loved and therefore could now offer my daughter what I always longed to. Walking beside this exquisite being has been the greatest joy of my life. Purejoy.