My daughter continually enlightens me to the old blocks and beliefs I still so valiantly hold onto.
I wear them, like an old worn out sweater that I’m afraid to give away because maybe I’ll never find another one that feels so good. I defend and justify them to the hilt when I am triggered because being “wrong” is just unbearable to my belief that I am “right”.
I project them onto my daughter and convince myself that I am teaching her the “lessons” she needs to live a responsible, adult life. I play many games with myself when I feel the discomfort her behavior brings up in me, for it is easier to try and control her instead of sitting with myself and questioning what is going on inside.
It has been quite and amazing journey to finally recognize that my discomfort is ALWAYS a block between my heart and hers. So why would I try to get her to change instead of taking the power out of the block? I ask myself that question whenever I am hearing myself lecturing to her about her behavior and how it affects me. I am always struck by the “pain” I experience after severing our connection in the name of my own comfort.
So, over and over I vow to return to my favorite spot, my couch, to sit with myself as I witness my own discomfort and tell the truth about it. It is a belief, in consciousness, that I have given power to which snatches the present moment and my connection with myself and therefore my daughter. I want that power back inside me so I can be the “loving being” I know I am and that my beautiful alive daughter reflects back to me with her amazing joy.