In all my years, I’ve struggled with what I’m now calling “finishing the moment”.
Starting something new, I leave a trail of dust behind in my wake for I’m constantly onto the next shiny object in the distance.
Rarely, do I finish the moment I’m actually experiencing.
In my parenting, this shows up when my daughter is sharing a story about her experience. Instead of listening and opening to staying in the moment, with curiosity, I project her into the future and start talking to her as if she is actually there.
It is extremely challenging to enter the moment staying the course offering presence and support.
Inquiring into this habit I find a deep-seated belief that it is my responsibility to protect her from herself.
Instead of seeing my beautiful competent daughter, I project onto her a helpless, incompetent child that I NEED to protect.
Diving even deeper I see a reflection of my younger self in the mirror longing for someone to come rescue me from my precarious and painful home.
Dreaming of a future when I would have the ultimate control of my life was my saving grace as a child. Unfortunately, this early strategy was choking off the reality that my daughter was not being raised by my mom she was being raised by me.
Trying to control the outcome of the future never allowed for enjoyment of the exquisite experience of the moment. All that I longed for was right in front of my face and yet I struggled to see and embrace it.
I chose to travel a different path than my mom and facing into this truth finally awakened the possibility of “finishing the moment” I find myself in.
I’m finally able to slow down enough to cherish the moments with my daughter exactly how they are. Leaving the future and releasing the past I offer my deepest presence to this moment.
For truthfully, this is all I have.
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