How you see your children is through your perspective which is conditioned through your history. Opening to your perspective being an internal experience vs the truth you’ll learn to track and embrace your internal world separating it out from your external reality.
In Purejoy, we focus on tracking your internal experience offering understanding and kindness when needed instead of expecting your child to know what is going on inside you and therefore take care of your discomfort by changing their behavior.
Releasing your child from being the cause of your internal discomfort you SafeSeat tracking your internal world choosing to “grow” yourself up before responding to your child.
Noticing when you are emotionally triggered you choose to turn inward shifting your perspective from seeing your child’s behavior as the cause of your discomfort to inquiring into the nature of what is arising. Your children are not “out to get you” which you perceive when feeling emotionally triggered. Your children are not privy to your internal world and therefore aren’t able to give you what you long for: caring and understanding.
As a child, experiencing feelings of powerless and rejection were part of your experience and yet your children don’t cause those feelings. They trigger them just being their emotionally young immature selves.
Wanting them to give you what you didn’t receive from your parents is not going to happen. Just like you, your children are limited and unless you meet yourself, offering the loving kindness you are seeking from them you choose to control and force them to do what they aren’t able to do.
Looking to your 3 year old expecting them to create a safe emotional environment is an expectation that won’t be met. And yet, turning inward, listening, and understanding the love you are craving gives you a chance to meet your vulnerable self with tenderness and love. If you choose not to, you’ll blame your children for the pain which you’ve had long before they arrived.
Sitting in your SafeSeat meeting your tender young emotional self gives you the opportunity to “grow” yourself up while showing up for your child.