I was talking with my daughter about a mom who was frustrated with her son for not helping more around the house. I asked her what she thought was going on in that situation. My daughter is 11 and very aware. Here is her take on the situation. She thought the kid was probably feeling the parents disappointment and when he felt the intensity he had to take care of himself so would probably move into the silent treatment. Wow!
Now this activated my curiosity and I said, “Hey, I need to write a new blog post and I’d love to hear your perspective. Parents are very curious as to what is really going on inside and you might help some kids by giving us the inside story. I asked her the following questions and here were her answers.
What causes the silent treatment? The kid being mad at the parent
Usually what are they mad about? The parent wants the kid to do what they want them to do
What do you think the silent treatment will do? Keep the kid from having to answer questions they don’t want to answer or take care of the parent
Cure for the silent Treatment:
Be light and start laughing. The kid starts laughing and it cures the silent treatment.
Now the cure surprised me because when she moves into the silent treatment the last thing I want to do is be light. I kick into a belief that I’ve done something wrong and now I’m being rejected. Yep! It becomes all about me again! So, the answer for me is to relax more, lighten up, when I feel stressed, and laugh a lot more!
I’m excited for the instruction!
I have found, and have to try to remember, that indeed being light-hearted and happy is USUALLY the way to break through the grumps. The exception, occasionally a child will feel that if you’re laughing when they’re angry and grumpy, then you’re laughing AT them, that you don’t care that they’re upset. This depends on the personality of the child and on what caused the grumps in the first place… usually the light-hearted approach works just fine.
What I still haven’t figured out, is how DO you get them to help out more around the house without resorting to manipulation/bribery/outright begging????
Heather,
I read your comment to my daughter and she agreed about the danger of a child feeling laughed at. She said it all depended on if the parent was really able to move into a light place not just use laughter as a technique to shift the child’s feelings.
Now on the how do you get them to help out she said, “If I don’t feel forced I’m willing to help out.” My experience is that when I have an agenda, think she should help out or am feeling overwhelmed and expect her to take care of my overwhelm she feels pushed. I find she is saying “No” to the force not to the actual helping out. It is tricky to take responsibility for my agenda but when I’m able to I find she is willing. Today, she brought the grocery bag into the house and unloaded it before I got in the house. I had no agenda for this so was truly grateful. On another day I could have an expectation that she would do this and she would refuse and then it wouldn’t be about helping it would be about a whole other story!
The silly treatment can definitely work wonders!
I just put up a post talking about the power of humour to help your child recover from crying, and I’m certain it would work just as well with the silent treatment. Gonna have to remember that one for later :).
Look forward to reading your post!
Love this! Love ya! Thanks to you and your daughter because these are great reminders for me…
Sending love back atcha!