Do these words sound familiar? “I can’t let my kid….”
As in “I can’t let my kid stay on the computer for hours”, “do her homework while listening to podcasts” “eat only pasta seven days a week”.
Going to that place, which we all do, of looking at the reality of what is and then making a judgment about it happens in an instant. But those moments I think “I can’t let my daughter stay on the computer all day”, she IS on the computer. That is the reality.
Recognizing the minute I enter her space with the energy of the ‘I can’t let you’ thoughts, I take a ‘power over’ position, thinking I know what is best for her. Maybe I do and maybe I don’t but that is not what matters. What matters is the energy I bring into the situation.
Noticing what she is actually doing I meet my discomfort with curiosity, love, and understanding. As my focus shifts away from judgment I take ownership and responsibility for my internal experience being about me and not caused by her behavior. Most times I experience a need to connect and I’m terrified she doesn’t.
I choose to open putting judgment aside, taking in the reality of the joy, delight, and enthusiasm she exhibits for what she is doing. Meeting WHAT IS instead of claiming my story is true, I show up curious and filled with delight.
Removing the judgment that it is OK or not OK to do any of the things I’m judging as negative I step into the present moment reality curious about her instead of focusing on my discomfort.
Ask yourself: how do you feel when someone meets you with judgment. Cooperative? Loved? Seen? Heard? Someone comes to me with that energy, I resist and push back. So does my daughter.
This week when perceiving your child is not doing the things you think are best for them, as that voice of judgment arises, are you willing to try something different?
Try meeting your child where they are with what they are doing, and get curious – How is that for you? You really like to do that a lot. Tell me about that. I’m so interested in what you are experiencing.
Coming alongside your child in this way, with openness, gives you a different vantage point and a very different connection. When you do, notice if they open to you, cooperating, sharing, and meeting your needs as well.