Ever feel misunderstood and judged by the way you parent? Do others think you are permissive and question your style?
If others are not interested in hearing how you parent and, out of their discomfort, keep telling you how “wrong” you are for messing up your child, do you listen?
I found my family and the culture I lived in wasn’t very interested in hearing, they were more interested in me conforming to their idea of “good” parenting.
At first, I tried really hard to be heard trying to convince them that the way I was parenting was good for my child. I spent a lot of energy fighting for what I believed and they spent as much time fighting for what they believed.
Getting clear that I could choose where to spend my time and energy, which was in creating a new culture in my home, I laid down my sword of righteousness and followed my heart. Clearly, how I parent was my business and what folks thought about it was about them. I chose to wake up every morning feeling good inside about the choices I was making.
In my home, I created what I call a parenting pod where I took responsibility for being the emotionally mature adult. I worked with my emotional triggers, through my SafeSeat practice, instead of acting out on my daughter. Realizing I I wasn’t going against my family or culture empowered me to create a new family and culture.
One of the high values of the traditional family/culture I grew up in was “good behavior is the gold standard”. This value was achieved through shaming, guilting, consequencing, and punishing the child to shift their behavior.
I personally tried my hardest as a child to give the adults what they wanted by being a “good” girl. And yet, internally I felt really “bad” whenever I couldn’t meet those expectations. This led me to question how I was subordinating my high value in my parenting to my family and culture. My high value was to create an environment that supported emotional wellbeing for myself and my child. It was time to courageously live into those values in my home.
Living into my highest value in my family/culture meant receiving a lot of judgment and negative feedback. To do this, I surrounded myself with others who were making the same choice I was. I created parenting CARE groups to bring parents together who were interested in exploring a new way of being. One that connected with the HEART in a deeper way. Together we don’t have to change the world, we have the power to create a new one!