I have a saying that goes, “It’s never about what you think it is about”.
What I mean by this is it’s never about the computer use, or the food, or even the homework.
I know, I know. It sure seems like it is about those things, yes?
When you think it is about the story, such as the computer is BAD, you get very, very focused on demonizing the computer. And, of course, you want to control your child’s use because the feelings you experience inside yourself are extremely uncomfortable.
Your stories about what your kids are doing or not doing are then piled on top of those uncomfortable feelings, and you very innocently believe the external is causing those feelings inside.
Dropping down into the feelings- you feel powerless and helpless. When you feel those feelings you project them onto the computer and your child for enjoying it so much.
The truth is, those feelings live inside you and have been with you all of your life.
The external just awakens those feelings, and yet isn’t the cause.
Feeling powerless and helpless as a young child is very different than having those feelings as an adult. If you weren’t supported to move through those feelings when you were young and they get activated in your parenting now, you’ll fall into very early strategies of trying to control the external to make them go away.
It’s scary to feel powerless as a parent! So, often, we power over with our behavior instead of turning towards the fear inside.
We have this idea, or conditioning, that as parents we should be the all-powerful and the helpful ones. Believing this doesn’t allow us to show up in the present moment, coming alongside our children as they begin to learn and know themselves.
In Purejoy our focus is on knowing ourselves and supporting our children to do the same.
It’s not about knowing what Purejoy would do, or what the conscious parent would do.
It’s all about knowing yourself, trusting your intrinsic internal wisdom so that you can show up in reality instead of showing up for your beliefs and ideas of how it “should” be.
It’s so incredibly empowering to meet your children where they are, instead of
“thinking it’s about what you think it’s about” and getting caught in the story, getting caught in the computer, or they’re not eating, or the homework.
Practice this week seeing what feelings are driving your behavior and therefore your need for control.
PAUSE moving in with curiosity in the present moment coming alongside your child in their discovery of who they are.