My friend Greg, did an energy audit on my home. He went around checking to see where there were energy leaks and offered me solutions to use the energy wisely. A home that runs efficiently is a happy home!
Later he and I were talking and began looking at the energy leaks we both experience while parenting. We leak out our anger, our intolerance, our judgments and most of all our need to control.
Instead of conserving our energy and focusing on efficiently using our emotional energy to facilitate connection we found lots of leaks caused by worry, guilt and shame. When this happens our back-up power kicks in trying to control our kids as if this will stop the leaks.
The truth is, these leaks are not caused by our children. They are inside us and we are responsible for attending to them. Learning to be aware of old beliefs, false perceptions and distorted thinking, which cause leaks, allows us to start attending to them creating a more sustainable relationship.
Practice: Take an energy audit to see how much energy you spend trying to control your child vs connecting with them. Every time you react instead of respond to your child, notice how you leaked out your vital energy. Practice re-setting each time you notice.