Joy Based Parenting: The Battle of Wills

I will get you to listen to me…..NO!

I will get you to eat your greens….NO!

Any of these sound familiar?
Can you see a pattern here?
The more willful I get the more I
engage my daughter’s willfulness
and the battle begins.

The battlefield can be any of the above issues and once the gauntlet has been laid down there is no going back. Who will win this artful game of wills? Ahhh, yes, it does become about winning or losing doesn’t it? Now as the parent, isn’t it my sole duty to win and let her know who is boss? Won’t she take advantage of me and disrespect me if I let her win? On and on the rationalizations guide me toward the path of control. And yet, what if it really isn’t about winning or losing? Or maybe it is about both? Is there room for her will and my will? Ahhhh, what happens when I relax my personal willfulness and open to a greater guidance? Hmmmmmm…..Seems she opens
to…….could this be so?

Softening to my need to be in charge and forcing my agenda allows me to make space for my daughter’s agenda. When this happens, miraculously we end up with an all together different agenda, connection. Through this connection we have a way of accepting and loving each other in a profound way. I then become a support, for my daughter, guiding her to care for her being, respect herself and know in the deepest core of her heart that she is lovable. Isn’t this what I truly signed up for?

Practice: Today become aware when you are in a battle of wills with your child. Notice how you get tight in your body, hard in your voice and determined to win. See if you can take a breath and soften your position knowing the point isn’t to win or lose but to connect with your child in a joyful way. Explore what happens and see if you can find a greater willingness to make connection your priority.