From the first moment our child gazes into our eyes, she/he connects us with love. They depend on seeing the loving look in our eyes to feed their souls. When we focus on seeing them through the lens of judgment or fear they begin to see this inside themselves.
I was suggesting a new dance class to my daughter. She is anxious about starting new classes so in response she gave me her big NO WAY! I dropped it, knowing pushing her would send her the other way, but later in the day she told me to come look at a video she had found on break dancing. I could sense a “light” awakening in her and a spark of curiosity arising. When I suggested we go watch a break dancing class she immediately got angry and said NO! I quickly saw the light in my eyes turn dark and focused on her always saying NO instead of focusing on the light I’d seen a few moments before.
When I was able to soften, telling her I could see she was nervous at the thought of starting something new, she grew curious. I told her how I knew when she got mad at me, about my suggestions, she was just scared. I shared with her how I’m the same way. We both softened, at that point, and agreed to just go watch a class. Focusing on engaging the light instead of focusing on the judgment brought light to both our eyes.
Practice: Today, see if you can be aware when you are seeing through your lens of love. Also, be aware when you are seeing, your child, through the lens of judgment or fear. Remember, whatever lens you are seeing them through is the lens you are seeing yourself. Practice seeing the light in your own eyes.