It’s been an interesting week penetrating deeper into my judgments noticing what function my judge-mentality serves. What’s true for me may not be true for you, and yet I invite you to explore discovering your truth.
Judgment happens in a snap, so while exploring take a deep breath slowing down mentally reflecting on what arises. Let’s take the example of scrolling a Facebook feed.
I’m reading a Facebook post. Thinking I don’t have a conscious opinion about the topic immediately I hear the judgy commenter in my head. Do I like this or not? Is it good or bad? Right or wrong? What is this judge-mentality serving, I wonder?
If it’s a parenting post I notice I’m judging the information. The truth is the judgement is covering up my refusal to enter the intimacy with the discomfort I feel and my personal judgements on myself.
The judgy one is looking for the right or wrong position and if I have a different opinion than the post my judgy one is off and running. And of course, I hate having JUDGEMENTS because that means I’m a judgmental person. Oh my!
But I do. I have these judgments. Wanting to get rid of them doesn’t help with my inquiry, which is how I explore truth.
Recognizing my judgment is trying to choose one side or the other I get curious. Knowing in my mind I am right, I am OK. Thinking I am wrong, I can change myself. Ahhhh. Now I’m getting a little deeper.
I notice this judge-mentality covers over a deeper wisdom that I carry inside, especially in relation to parenting.
My judgments are trying to help me ‘do it right’! Do you do this? Of course, I want to do the “right” thing in my parenting because it is so important. And yet I’m looking for the answer from outside sources.
Committed to showing up authentically with my daughter, I work hard not to do the wrong thing. And yet in trusting my judge- mentality, I’m desperate to choose a side. Often the consensus of whatever group I am in wins out – yeah, this is right! And reading the other side suddenly I hear : Now, this is right!
Or maybe it’s wrong?
Pretty interesting and yet dedicating my parenting journey to discovering truth demands I question my old narrative.
The invitation to you is to explore and find out what your deeper truth reveals.
When you hear a judgy thought notice if you are creating a giant story crystalizing your argument that there is a right or wrong way to do something. Especially in your parenting.
Next time you hear a judgy thought, especially about your child’s behavior, see what happens if you stop fueling the story line. Take the judgment inside and be with it. Offer it kindness. Inquire. My question to myself is, “do you need to feel right in this moment? What might happen if you open your curiosity to why she acted that way instead of going to your judgment that you are right and she is wrong?
Opening my heart supports questioning my judgements that are creating a barrier between my heart and my child.
So I welcome my judgments.
As long as I question my beliefs around ‘that’s right’ or ‘that’s wrong’ or ‘it’s good” or “it’s bad’, my judge-mentality serves. It’s a little flag, a messenger, encouraging turning back in opening my curiosity and actually embracing the truth of the moment.