When I became a mom I was driven by my fantasy- it was one that had been programmed into me from my culture, my family, and sources I deemed supportive toward keeping it alive.
It took a lot of energy to work towards my fantasy.
In my fantasy, I was perfect and my kids were perfect.
They never whined or complained, I was always patient and calm.
They did all the ‘healthy’ things, like eat broccoli and drink kombucha, do 15 minutes of yoga and walk the dog for fun.
I never yelled and always had meals ready on the table.
They didn’t care too much about screens or need me to entertain them.
I was trying so hard for it all to be true- I thought about it ALL the time- how to force it into reality.
So much so that if any way my kids behaved challenged my fantasy I took I personally.
I felt like they were against my grand plan, inside my head- to be the perfect mom and kids.
From my view- anything less was a total failure.
I had us all wrapped into my fantasy.
It’s really different now. I have my SafeSeat practice where I check out reality versus fantasy.
The more I do- I’ve dropped the fantasy that asks me and my kiddos to be something we are not.
I use a question to support myself to do this- what if there is nothing wrong or bad/right or good here?
Only what is?
When I ask myself that question (over and over) I’m able to take a closer look at what is going on in reality with me and my kiddos.
Together we find feelings, and motivations, desires, dreams- I notice it’s much lighter as we go along in this way.
I stay in the moment long enough to get curious about what actually IS happening and that supports us all- I drop the fantasy and opt for the present moment with my loves.
I’m not holding us to the fantasy when I drop into the parts that are about what’s right in front of me.
People say to me all the time BUT YOU HAVE FIVE KIDS!?!!
And yes, when I was living with them pinned into my fantasy it was HEAVY. It was a lot.
Every little piece of laundry, every dish, every bicker felt like a personal attack.
But from this transformed place of taking a deeper look at what is going on in my internal experience, separating out from my kiddos, and tapping into my HEART in the moment, I have come to a place of lightness of being in my parenting.