Joy is our essence, pure joy. In yesterday’s post we looked at how we can crush our child’s joy by thinking something they are doing is bad for them. I used the example of my daughter asking to watch Power Rangers. My judgment of the show being “inappropriate” led me to say no and yet what I missed was engaging in the joy she was experiencing through watching. It wasn’t about the show, it was about her wanting more of the feeling of connection and joy. If I am going to choose to say no to the show, I’ve got to make sure I keep the door open and offer a connection, with me, one of joy. Usually, I am offering her my fear, in the form of judgment, so instead of connecting joy up with me she connects it with the Power Rangers. Wouldn’t you want more?
Mining for our joy can be a treacherous journey. We have to dig deep into our stories and beliefs that have hidden our most valuable treasure, our joy. It is often covered with shame, guilt and a feeling of unworthiness which can lead to rage. Using the power of rage is an incredible digging tool if we stay focused on what we are digging for. This is why it is so critical to take responsibility for the rage and remember when it comes up in relation to our children, they don’t cause it and they can’t fix it. They are leading us to our joy, if we choose to go mining.
Whenever my rage comes up, I let me daughter know, she didn’t cause it and she can’t fix it and I’m going mining for my joy. I sit myself down in my “power” seat (on the couch) and let the feeling do all the digging. If I’m able to open and allow the feelings to go deep they will lead me all the way to my joy and wella, I’ve returned to my true essence.