Last night, as I was falling asleep, I had an image of taking a picture of a thought! It was as if, I had a thought, and then took the picture which gave the thought form. Then I imagined putting that picture on my “life” board and began to live it out as if it were real. Each time I had a thought, I imagined taking the picture and deciding what to do with it. Did I want to add it to my board or tear it up. After all they are just pictures.
As I continued to work, with this process, I thought about my relationship with my daughter and her behaviors. She has requested more time on the computer so I began to look at my thoughts around the request. I saw, in my minds eye, her watching a Power Rangers show, which she is totally into, and feeling uncomfortable with her request to watch more. My thought was, she is watching way too many episodes and I need to make her get off. SNAP! I took the picture of the thought. I imagined the picture coming out of an old polaroid camera and waited with curiosity to see the shot. As it slowly rolled out , I saw a confused, hard grimace on my face. There was no openness in my expression. My brow was furrowed and I looked like I was in pain.
I then realized this was a familiar picture that lives on my “life” board and it often arises when I am judging something my daughter wants as bad for her. What I got from the picture is the show was bad for me and yet she was in total joy. WOW! What a disconnect. She is experiencing joy and I am experiencing pain from the same source. Does that make me right to remove the source of her joy so I won’t have to feel my pain? Now this was a good movie!
As I slowly pulled the layers off, I realized the movie had nothing to do with my pain, only my judgment of it. I took a deep breath and first thought about my daugther’s joy, SNAP! This is a picture worth keeping. If I can learn to connect with her joy instead of connecting with my judgment about the source of my pain, I may be able to truly meet her and together, we might find joy!