Looking at our judgments and perceptions, in relation, to our children’s behavior is a great place to see how difficult it is to accept what is. Because of our conditioning and our deep beliefs, we have ideas of “how” our children should behave. A lot of these perceptions are rooted in “what will other people think”.
I hear so many moms, saying that when they are at home, they are much more open to their child’s expression. When they begin to feel their own discomfort, in relation to a behavior, they are more capable of relaxing and questioning their own judgments when in their own safe space. And yet, as soon as their child exhibits, the same behavior, out in public all the relaxation and curiosity go out the window. They immediately regress, into a strong need, to please the external pressure, and often forget that their child is the one who needs them.
I know I’ve been there and when talking with my daughter after wards, she is able to express to me how she feels I choose the other over her. She doesn’t feel that I am her champion supporting her, because in my fear of being seen as a “bad” mom I choose them over her. Instead of loving what is, I want to control what is so that I can feel better. In my attempt to take care of my need, the one person, that I want to be there for feels I have left her.
So, learning to attune to our own internal states, under stress, will allow us to embrace a more “loving” state, joining with what truly is.