Have you ever considered the intense pressure your child feels to meet your needs? If not, let’s take a little time to explore.
You tell them what to do when to do it, how to do it, and where to do it many times a day.
And yet you “couch” it in terms of all of this is for their well-being.
“You need to eat your food, you need to put on your shoes, you need to do your homework, You need to get off the computer, You need to do your chores, You need to hurry up, You need to listen to me…..”
And yet, what if you actually owned that these are your needs?
“I need you to eat your food, I need you to put on your shoes, I need you to do your homework, I need you to get off the computer, I need you to do your chores, I need you to hurry up, I need you to listen to me.”
Imagine hearing these needs all day long. Wouldn’t you feel the pressure and intensity?
Now, of course, you can defend and justify thinking they are for your child’s wellbeing, and yet is this absolutely true?
Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with your needs and desires for your children?
What if this was about your need to be a “good” mom or dad more than focusing on your child’s needs.
Could that be even more true?
What happens when they don’t do the things you need them to do? Do you feel disappointed and frustrated, rejected or unsuccessful? Then most likely they are your needs and not your child’s.
Once you release your child from the pressure of meeting your emotional needs you can come alongside them to support their experience.
It is not black or white. Of course, they need support to do certain things in life and yet if the pressure is coming from outside instead of encouraged internally you’ll most likely hit resistance or defiance.
What if you see them through a different lens?
Of course, you want to be healthy, of course, you want to be safe, of course, you want to be successful. And, yes you are young and living in the moment where I’m often living in the future. See what it is like to step into the present moment with your child intimately connecting with their desires and intrinsic motivation. Take the risk of asking them “what do you need?”
It’s quite precious to come alongside your child listening and hearing their desires and dreams. Seeing them from this ground of loving themselves opens the door to your heart allowing you to show up offering your child the support they need to live into their brilliance.