When does caring for yourself cross the line into self-indulgence?

You might be surprised by the answer to this question from the Purejoy view.

Most of us were trained to take care of our caregivers’ emotional needs by acting in ways that didn’t trigger discomfort in them. In our culture “good” behavior is the gold standard so we learned to repress our emotional needs in service to the cultural norm.

How this can play out in your parenting is you may feel more comfortable taking care of your child’s needs instead of recognizing and attending to yours. After all, especially in attachment parenting we learn to take care of our child’s needs on demand.

This was the perfect set-up for me because I had learned taking care of others needs was the way to purchase the love I so desperately needed.

In a relationship, sacrificing my needs was normal and was my sneaky way to make sure others didn’t withdraw love.

As a single mom, when I had a need that I couldn’t put down I’d finally express it as a demand on my daughter and she would lash out with a strong NO. Immediately, it became all about ME and I’d collapse into my “pity party” about how my needs didn’t matter.

Actually, this was an act of self-indulgence. I refused to attend to my needs and therefore made sure she looked like the “disrespectful” child. The truth was is I was the one disrespecting my needs.

When I learned to make my needs “as” important as everyone in the family things finally began to change.

Listen to the Parenting Paused Podcast 26 “My Needs are as Important as Yours” to hear more on this topic

Listen to podcast Ep. 26 “My Needs Are as Important as Yours”