I had a fantasy. I thought that just because I wanted to be the best parent ever, I would naturally know how to do it.
I’d read a lot of parenting books and was clear on how I should act and yet every day I found myself yelling, consequencing and shaming my daughter.
I did all the things I NEVER wanted to do and my fantasy became a nightmare.
It was all about me and what my child was doing to ME at this point. I felt disrespected. I felt dishonored. I felt hurt.
I looked through the traditional lens of parenting and saw that she needed to be corrected and taught a lesson so that I could feel like a good mom.
Once I chose to look through the Purejoy lens, I started to see that my daughter only acted out when she was stressed and needed my support.
From this view I could focus on my child, and not make it all about ME. When she acted out I saw that she was feeling disrespected. She was feeling emotionally unsafe. She was feeling hurt.
It wasn’t all about ME anymore, so I could take responsibility for my part in the dynamic.
I asked myself: Do I have an agenda? Am I pushing or pulling her? I found there was always a cause for her behavior that I could tune into.
It takes practice to turn your attention from focusing on what you think your child is doing to you, to see what your child is expressing about their OWN INTERNAL EXPERIENCE.
When you don’t take your child’s behavior personally, you can show up to support them through their experience.
If you take it personally, you will want them to stop what they are doing in order to support YOU.
When you do take it personally (and you will) you can practice moving to your SafeSeat, offering yourself loving kindness. This takes the pressure off of needing your child to do this for you.
You can download a free 5-day teaching on the SafeSeat here
As you practice releasing your child from being the cause of your suffering you will find a new place to parent from. Purejoy.
Listen to podcast Ep. 33 ” A Different View of Parenting