Do you ever think your child didn’t come with an instruction manual? Well, what if they did and yet you aren’t interested in reading it? Why would this be?
In my experience, my parenting manual (conscious loving mother) often gave contradictory instructions to her innate knowing and instructions. Determined to follow mine I often felt like I was trying to put a round peg in a square hole. It was painful for both.
Slowing down I finally noticed that she was giving me cues all the time. Getting curious as to “how” she operated vs “how” I wanted her to be to make me comfortable was radical.
She has her own timing, rhythm, preferences and high values. When I experienced these as a threat to my manual I judged her and needed her to follow my instructions. Not a great set-up for co-operation or honoring her being. I’ll never forget when she was 6 years old and we’d had an argument. I desperately asked her, “How am I supposed to touch your heart if you won’t let me in?” Intensely glaring back she said “Mama, there is a tiny crack in my heart and it is your job to get through it.” Phew! In that moment, I woke up and thought this is up to me to know her not the other way around.
I heard myself saying, “I need you to brush your teeth, I need you to put your pj’s on, I need you to eat good food, I need you to get off the computer, I need you to let me in your heart. On and on it went and yet when I turned around and asked, “What do you need?” Everything changed.
My daughter describes those early days as “My mama was putting her “wantings” on me and when she stopped and turned towards my “wantings” everything changed” My attention turned towards how to enter my daughter’s world understanding her instruction manual. It’s an amazing journey and often not easy for her instructions don’t always look the way I WANT them to. When this happens I turn back towards my “wantings” asking myself, “If she filled all my needs what would that give me?” I would feel loved, appreciated and cared for. Ahhhhh! I was questioning her love which was never a question for her.
Slowing down, closing your book of instructions and getting curious about your child’s cues, are you willing to ask, “what do you need? How do you need me to enter your heart? How do you need me to enter your space?
What’s your rhythm? What’s your timing? When do you feel safe? When do you feel loved?” It’s profound.
Releasing your child from the “need” to feel loved opens your heart to their beauty giving you the opportunity to show up as the parent you want to be, the adult empowered parent that creates an environment for the exquisite child in front of you. As you follow their instruction manual they will reveal their brilliance in their unique way.