In the journey of parenting, we often encounter moments of frustration and overwhelm. It’s natural to feel triggered when our children’s behavior doesn’t align with our expectations. But what if there was a way to navigate these moments with more ease and grace?
Enter the concept of the SafeSeat. The SafeSeat is a foundational practice in Purejoy parenting, designed to support you in regulating your emotions and creating a safe and supportive environment for both yourself and your children.
The inspiration for the SafeSeat came from observing my daughter playing the game of tag. At first the game was fun and exciting as she ran around the field trying not to get tagged. Then WAM! the moment the tagger came after her she freaked out. She ran off the field screaming and grabbed onto my leg. She had an amygdala hi-jack and in that moment she perceived DANGER! As I continued to watch I saw kids, who were about to get tagged, fall down on the grown and say “I quit, I quit” while others hit the tagger. All of these young strategies were to protect themselves from the perceived danger.
When I explained to her that she could seek refuge in a designated safe base, such as a tree instead of getting tagged her world shifted. In this safe base, she could take a deep breath, regulate her emotions, and gather the courage to rejoin the game. This one step made all the difference for my daughter to be able to return to the game and find deep enjoyment.
Later, as I was contemplating this I realized that I was getting emotionally tagged daily with my daughter. It became clear that I didn’t have a safe base to run to so I was acting out all over the place. This was when the concept of the SafeSeat was born and I created my first seat on my couch…in the middle of the action.
You too can create a SafeSeat for yourself. When you feel emotinally triggered (tagged) by your children’s behavior, you can pause, take a deep breath, and find your own safe base in the midst of the action instead of acting out with your children. This SafeSeat allows you to regulate your emotions, offer yourself kindness, and shift from reactive responses to thoughtful, intentional parenting.
By practicing the SafeSeat, you can break free from old patterns and reactions that no longer serve you. Instead of yelling, punishing, or withdrawing, you can approach your children with empathy and understanding. You can recognize that their behavior is not a personal attack, but rather a reflection of their developmental stage and individual needs.
The SafeSeat also empowers you to support our children in navigating their own emotional journeys. By recognizing when you’re feeling triggered, you can take responsibility for your own emotions and create a safe space for your children to express themselves. You can become their safe base, offering stability and love as they navigate the ups and downs of life.
Practicing the SafeSeat is a transformative process that requires intention and commitment. It’s not about being perfect or avoiding challenges, but rather about cultivating self-awareness and choosing connection over reaction. With time and practice, the SafeSeat becomes a powerful tool for creating a harmonious and joyful parent-child relationship.
If you’re curious to learn more about the SafeSeat and its profound impact on parenting, I invite you to visit my website at purejoyparenting.com. There, you can access a free five-day video series that dives deeper into the SafeSeat process and its application in everyday parenting.
Remember, parenting is a journey of growth and learning. By embracing the concept of the SafeSeat, yoou can cultivate a safe and supportive environment where both you and your children can thrive.