Are you committed to your self-care? Do you have a practice for inner reflection? I know, I know when are you supposed to do that with all that is going on in your life? And yet, I found without time for myself to self-reflect on my internal experience I spent most of my time trying to control my external one.

Trying to control my daughter’s behavior to manage my internal experience did NOT work. At times, if I used enough power over I could get her to behave, and yet it never felt good in my internal experience. Each time she acted out and I strong-armed her it took a lot longer to re-engage in a connected way.

Taking time in my SafeSeat, offering kindness to my internal experience meant I could stay in the middle of the action “growing” myself up emotionally. Then I could ride my daughter’s emotional waves while supporting her instead of seeing her behavior as an emotional threat.

Building the capacity to stay with whatever is arising in your internal experience, without acting it out, takes time and a commitment to your SafeSeat practice.

As you continue to move to your SafeSeat, when your internal signals are firing, over time you’ll learn to separate out the past from the present. When you are emotionally triggered you are having a relationship with your trigger not the present moment interaction with your child.

Choosing to go inward instead of outward takes courage since our culture is so focused on controlling the child’s behavior. I chose to take responsibility for my internal experience instead of blaming my daughter’s behavior on causing it.

You can too.

Next time you notice you are emotionally triggered move to your SafeSeat offering yourself kindness. Give yourself what you are seeking from your child. Practice, practice, practice and eventually you’ll become the act of kindness.

What a gift to you and your child.