Trying Too Hard

My girl, she’s 9, said to me the other night as we were winding down for bed…

I’m sad- and I don’t know why.

It struck me- that she was just willing to be with the feeling of sadness.

I asked her- how is that for you?

She said- sad.

So we just sat there, with sad- her eyes filled with tears as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

And I noticed that in me, something that wanted to fix it for her- so I took a deep breath and just noticed both of us.

I had to ask – is it ok to just be sad, in this moment? And not know why?

After-all- here it is, in this moment.

Can we just stay with it for a bit? Nothing to fix or change?

And in that moment I was learning from my girl.

She was so willing to just be with this energy in her body that she calls sad.

When I notice what I call ‘sad’ in my body- I quickly try to figure it out. I push that energy away a lot.

I try, really hard. Too hard.

To name it, and fix it, and often get my environment to get on board with my trying.

I ask the kids to clean up, and stop what they are doing, and pay attention to me.

I notice that I get frantic and I push and force and want to fix.

I clean, or try to have conversations and distract myself from the energy.

I try to change the external.

Sometimes tho-  more and more- I catch myself.

I recognize the sensation in my body, I feel the feeling, or hear the old story running through my mind.

Of- you’re never enough, or- will you ever get this? or- this is all going to come back on you!

And I pause- and SafeSeat.

I hear the one in me who is trying, so. hard.

I say to her — Oh Love, here you are.

You’re sad.

Of Course- you want them to cooperate, and of course, you want them to listen.

I feel her and see her and let her know I’ve got this.

And then I choose a behavior that is more present for all of us.

Oh- this is my energy! What can I do with it?

Do I have a need? Would I like to ask for support?

How about you? What is your ‘sad’ like?

Can you stay with it? For just a bit?

Long enough to really hear what it wants to say?

What energy is now available to you?