Last week we talked about how to turn inside to attend to what is arising in us when our children are fighting.
Once we are able to separate out enough from our emotional trigger and step back into our adult role we can offer our children some ways to work with what is arising in them.
First, if you expect your children to “work things out” it will be about meeting your needs, not theirs. If you are able to separate out and meet your own needs (SafeSeat) you’ll be able to talk with each of your children individually to hear their perspective.
If you are sitting in judgment and identifying with the victim or the perpetrator roles you won’t be able to clearly understand their reasons. This isn’t about “right or wrong” this is about deeply understanding your child and offering empathy for their feelings.
Remember, feelings drive behavior so if you are able to empathize with their feelings instead of trying to teach them a lesson you’ll be in a better position to support them in being able to find ways to work through conflicts in a healthy way.
Work with the first step this week and see what you notice. Share on the Purejoy Parenting Practice Page to receive more support around sibling conflicts.