When our children misbehave it is easy to see THEM as the problem because it gives us permission to step into fixit mode. It takes courage to turn towards ourselves and see our part in the dynamic.
I didn’t want to admit that my daughter saw my behavior as a threat to her emotional safety. I convinced myself that pushing, pulling, forcing and having an agenda was a “good” thing.
I bought into the conditional parenting narrative that it was up to me to motivate my child to do things that I perceived were important to her success in the future.
Over and over I pushed past her boundaries and forced my parenting agenda on her. The angrier she got the more I saw her as having a problem that needed to be fixed.
She was trying to tell me to “back off” and yet my fear of the future was so strong I forged ahead.
I thought she was the PROBLEM.
I didn’t know how to take personal responsibility for the experience I had when she refused to follow what I thought was best for her.
When I recognized I was positioning as a victim I knew I had to make a HUGE turn towards personal responsibility in my relationship with my feelings.
I committed to owning my agendas and my need for her to be different than she was.
Slowly, I questioned my conditioning and saw how I’d do almost anything to prove I was a “good” mom according to the cultural norm.
I was throwing my daughter under the bus to please others.
Seeing this caught my attention and slowly I opened up listening to the small quiet voice inside urging me towards creating a safe emotional environment where we could both thrive.
To hear more:
Listen to podcast Ep. 30 “Moving From Your Head to Your Heart In Parenting”