Excited I made it to 2023. 🤣 2022 was a challenging year and I’m looking forward to embracing the newness of 2023. How about you?
Starting anew is the focus this week in Purejoy. What does that even mean? How do you enter your days stepping into the intimacy of the moment? Especially with parenting it often feels easier to fall back on book knowledge and conditioned thinking to guide you forward. Trusting in your capacity to enter each moment and to parent from your heart is a mighty task especially if you were trained to doubt yourself and your wisdom.
The question I always asked myself is “Where am I parenting from? “ instead of “how am I parenting”. Especially when I felt powerless to get my daughter to do just about anything…I’d desperately scramble looking in my knowledge bank for the answers. Being intimate with the feeling of powerlessness was not something I was supported to do. I was taught to resist that feeling, bury that feeling, run from that feeling, control that feeling as quickly as I could. In my desperation to avoid feeling powerless I searched for any and every way to control my environment and my daughter.
Focusing on” if I parent this way then my child will turn out this way” is parenting in the imagined future. Focusing on “meeting the moment with an open heart” is parenting in the present. Entering into the experience in the present is an opportunity to offer support for your child’s experience not sharing your experience of what you believe to be true.
Everything you offer your child is based on your experience and knowledge and probably worked for you. And, yet your child is having a different experience, living in a different environment and facing different circumstances than you did. Their world is filled with experiences you didn’t have. Did you have access to unlimited information at your fingertips? Probably not.
Meeting your child’s world and experience often triggers feelings of powerlessness and can challenge your role as a parent. If you feel you need to be in control of what they do, how they do it, when they do it as an attempt to prepare the for the future you are refusing to be intimate with the moment.
The truth is it is extremely vulnerable to open up the groundless ground you find yourself on. Searching for ways to control the discomfort, you feel inside, keeps you from fully opening the greatest gift of parenting: open-hearted relating.
Imagine offering your child the gift of your tender open heart instead of your knowledge of how to be in a world? What might our world look like if every child entered society with a heart filled with love and knowing they are a gift in and of themselves. Maybe, a lofty vision and yet it happens one child at a time.