Here we are in the space between Christmas and New Year. So curious! Life is sort of just hanging out, the kids are home from school, we’ve had wild weather in the US that changed a lot of people’s holiday plans, and it’s the last week of 2022!
How was your Christmas? Your year? Are you ready to close it and begin a new one?
It’s been a big year for me! I’m coming up on the graduation of my 4th Purejoy Parent Coach training, I traveled to Lithuania, one son graduated from high school, we traveled as a family for 6 weeks in the summer, I’ve studied through numerous courses and read a handful of books. Lots of big growth, over here.
So what we’re taking a closer look at here today, as we consider the closing of the year and the beginning of a new one is how often we think that happiness is a lack of discomfort, of the hard things- yeah? Have you felt that way? Especially in your parenting. I know for me it’s often about, if I could just get this done, or if the kids would just get to bed, or go to school (we’ve had a lot of snow days here this year), then I would be comfier, and then happier.
I spend a lot of energy trying to create comfort.
It is really challenging when I feel uncomfortable, especially when it’s about my children and the ways they’re going about their life- how they behave, what they say, how they choose to spend their time. I often feel like I’ve done something wrong and I see how I parented some of my children from a different perspective when I was younger than the one I hold now after much parenting practice. There is a niggling voice inside that says- if I was getting this right by now it wouldn’t be so hard, or they would get along, or I wouldn’t be sad, mad, powerless, helpless. I should be more comfortable by now!
When I slow down and offer love to all of it, I sense the incredible amount of energy and power it takes to have complete control of the environment, especially my kiddos!
They are new to this world, they’re young, they are constantly growing, changing, adapting and forming. Their energy is exploring the world with pure curiosity and organizing- it’s not secure. It’s not predictable.
When I’m willing to see it this way- it’s almost laughable how hard I try at times to make sure that everything is always the same, that I have this desire to be able to make the environment take care of me.
I then take a look at what true happiness might look like for me, if I consider that it might also come with some discomfort too. (remember the battery analogy from a few blogs ago). If I only consider that happiness offers me comfort, and my children to be agreeable, then I’m not able to show up in the challenging moments for my kiddos. Then I’m going to use my power over or control song and dance to get us to change in the moment we are in. Our happiness is pinned on their good behavior or whatever it takes to make mama comfy.
I find myself in my own childhood memories of needing to be something for someone else, acting in ways towards my children I promised I never would!
When I started practicing loving kindness for all the parts of me in my SacredSeat, and I mean ALL of them- the uncomfy ones, the sad ones, the mad ones, I had to first learn how to be with them in my body. I said to myself, no one is wrong or bad here, it’s no one’s fault, these feelings are inside of me and I’ve just tucked them away for so long they’re foreign and out of practice. I wiling to welcome them back in, here in the safety of my imagination.
That set me up differently when I entered into the discomfort of my child’s ungroundedness. I wasn’t expecting them to tether me. Rather, I grounded into my moment, just as I was, all feelings welcome and offered them support for exactly what was arising for them in the moment as well.
That practice was very supportive for me, it still is, but what has been so profound is practicing with other parents who are in similar situations, parenting their children. I was invited to the Purejoy view by one of my closest friends. We started out in a Parenting Paused course together almost 6 years ago and we’ve talked weekly, often daily ever since! I don’t have to go this alone. I would not be where I am today in my parenting, a place I deeply appreciate, if it wasn’t for finding a friend in the same work.
If you’re curious to join in practicing with other parents we have an opportunity for you! The SacredSeat 30 day challenge will kick off on January 2. This is a group experience where we spend the first 30 days of the new year together. You’ll get daily prompts to turn back towards the vulnerable part of you that still wishes to control your environment. You’ll have an opportunity to discover old strategies that kept you safe as a child and yet keep you from showing up more present and grounded for your child. You’ll receive community support and love to offer kindness to yourself and your family.
For more info – Click Here